The world is a wonderful, interesting place full of fascinating acquaintances, discoveries and opportunities. And in the world there are different horrors and dangers. How to tell a child about them without intimidating him, without depriving thirst for research, trust in people and a taste for life? Here’s how the psychologist Natalia Presler tells about this in the book “How to explain to the child that. “.
Talking with children about dangers is necessary so as not to intimidate them and at the same time teach to defend yourself and avoid dangers. Everything needs a measure – and safe too. It is easy to step over the line behind which the world is a dangerous place where a maniac lies on every corner. Do not project your fears on the child, make sure that the principle of reality and adequacy is not violated.
At the age of five years, it is enough for a child to know that not everyone does good – sometimes other people for various reasons want to cause evil. This is not about those children who can deliberately bite, hit the head with a scoop or even pick up your favorite toy. And not even about adults who can shout at someone else’s child or intentionally intimidate him. We are talking about really bad people.
It is worth talking about these people when a child may face them, that is, when he grew up enough to stay somewhere without you and without responsible supervision of other adults.
At the same time, it is important to remember that even if you have conversations about bad people with your child and he “understood everything”, this does not mean that you can leave him alone on the playground and be sure that he will not leave anyone. Children under 5-6 years old are not able to recognize the evil intentions of adults and confront them, even if they talked about it with them. Caring for the security of the child – your responsibility, not his.
Remove the crown
The realization that adults may be wrong is very important for the security of the child. If the child is convinced that the word of the adult is the law, this will greatly complicate his resistance to the people who want him to be evil. After all, they are adults – which means that he must obey/be silent/well behave/do what they require.
Let the baby say no to adults (starting, of course, from you). Too polite children who are afraid to resist adults are silent when you need to scream, out of fear of leading themselves badly. Explain: “Refuse to say no to an adult or child older than you is normal”.
Create a trusting relationship
So that the child can resist the dangers of the world around him, he must have experience of safe relations with his parents – those in which
he can speak is not afraid to be punished, where he trusts and loves. Of course, it is necessary for the parent to make important decisions, but not through violence.
An open atmosphere-in the sense of accepting all the emotions of the child-will allow him to feel safe with you, which means to share even something difficult, for example, to talk about cases when other adults threatened him or did something bad.
If you respect the child, and he is to you, if your family is respected by the rights of both adults and children, the child will transfer this experience to relations with others. A child whose borders are respected will be sensitive to their violation and will quickly understand that something is wrong.
Enter safety rules
The rules must be absorbed organically, through domestic situations, otherwise the child may be scared or miss important information past the ears. Go to the supermarket – talk about what to do if you are lost. On the street, the woman offered the baby a candy – discuss with him an important rule: “Never take anything from other people’s adults, even sweets, without the permission of mom”. Do not swear, but just tell.
Discuss safety rules when you read books. “What do you think, what kind of safety rule has broken the mouse? What it led to?”
From 2.5-3 years old, tell the baby about permissible and unacceptable touches. Washing the child, say: “These are your intimate places. Only a mother can touch them when it is washed, or a nanny that helps to wipe the ass “. Formulate an important rule: “Your body belongs only to you”, “You can tell any person, even an adult, that you do not want to be touched”.
Do not be afraid to discuss difficult incidents
For example, you are walking with a child along the street, and a dog attacked you or a person who behaves aggressively or inadequate. All these are good reasons for discussing security. Some parents try to distract the child so that he will forget about the frightening experience. But this is wrong.
Such suppression leads to the growth of fear, its fixation. In addition, you miss the excellent pedagogical opportunity: the information will be remembered better if it is submitted in the context. You can immediately formulate the rule: “If you are alone and met such a person, you need to move away from him or run away. Don’t talk to him. Do not be afraid to be impolite and call for help “.
Talk about dangerous people simply and clear
Older children (from six years old) can tell approximately the following: “There are a lot of good people in the world. But sometimes there are people who can harm others – even children. They do not look like criminals, but as the most ordinary uncles and aunts. They can do very bad things, cause pain or even take life. There are few of them, but they meet.
To distinguish such people, remember: a normal adult will not contact a child who does not need help, he will talk to his mother or dad. Normal adults will contact the child only if he needs help if the child is lost or cries.
Dangerous people can come up and contact just like that. Their goal is to take the child with them. And therefore, they can deceive and lure (give examples of traps of dangerous people: “Let’s go see/save the dog or cat”, “I will take you to mom”, “I will show you/give you something interesting”, “I need your help” andetc.). You never should go anywhere (even not far) with such people with such persuasions. “.
If the child asks why people do bad things, answer approximately the following: “There are people who are very angry, and through terrible deeds they express their feelings, make it bad wrong ways. But there are more good people in the world “.